The Great Experiment

today I revisit my old blog and breathe new life into my expression once relegated to the past.

I continue to explore the intricacies of human society, bound by social law, invisibly but real. My intention was to become a truth, to return a fact as it had been asked. And yet, this is impossible in society. true freedom cannot be found, so I am left to wonder if it was even there in the first place. Do I truly have the right to be myself? Is the truth of my life, my thoughts and my feelings only for my own benefit. Why did god give me thoughts, so powerful in my own head, but ones which could never see the light of day without persecution and apology. If I am a good person, and I continue to have these horrible thoughts, these murderous, adulterous, perverse thoughts, than what of others? Am I truly good?
I find solace in the silence, in the science, but not among others. I am confronted, not with questions about fellow people, but about myself. I realize now, human connections and self worth are not functions of how others perceive us, but of how we perceive the perception of others. Because if others were to see us as terrible, we can change the people, we can remove them. People become defensive when others prove injures.
it's not the communication, but the lack thereof. the silence, the absence of connection to people passing by. The person that walks by you in the bar, that looks away when your eyes meet. The perception of being unperceived can destroy us. Because, in the end, all the world is our perception.
And this is why my mind destroys itself, hiding my own thoughts. There are a certain set of "social norms", forged by thousands of years of interaction and social negotiation. The thoughts and feeling consistent with those norms are expounded and fill our world. Those who exercise purity, kindness, morals and righteousness are held in the highest regards by society. But when someone is held aloft, we all expect and anticipate the fall. Which is the proof that we all experience the negative, twisted feelings I have grown to accept and yet continue to fight within my own heart. We wish others would fall because we need to know we are not a pariah who's feelings will forever be restricted to the abyss of the mind.

The truth fails, not because we are unable, but unwilling. And that is why I have come to adore the dark heart of humanity. The fetishes, the perversions, the alternatives and the outcasts. Because only on the outside, where our words can be dismissed, may they be spoken. Truth has no place in society because the ability for large bodies of individuals to grow and cooperate relies on social normality that each member can follow as a language to interact with all other members. Even in deviant societies that I have become familiar with, social norms arise are rebuilt from the members.
But continued thought is extraneous. These words have already been spoken by people greater than me in a time long ago. The important things, as always are terse

The internet is a society, rebuilt from the ground up with new social norms.
There are places devoid of social norms such as 4chan
Only in these places can we analyze the world around us
These places are like our minds, free from restriction and completely anonymous
By exploring the web, in the most devious places, I can explore my own mind
The closest our society comes to the truth is the interplay between the social norms of society as a whole and those of deviant societies.
We possess no right to the truth in societies, that is not the purpose of society
When truth is espoused in a society, it will be judged and subject to the social norms
Consequences will be applied as is social custom, this is unavoidable
Consequences of social norms and just actions are independent
A social norm which is not just can be destroyed by a truth

What makes us a hero is to speak the truth, in the face of consequence, in the pursuit of justice

From my first law
We must do the right thing because it is the right thing to do

There is infinitely more depth to this argument in my head, which is why it helps to write it all out. But mroe than likely these pages will never be read. I am too much of a coward to speak these "truths", and I hesitate to post the link to my blog on facebook. There seems to be something all to emo about the concept. However, if nothing else, these blogs allow me to place mind to paper and better understand my own mind. The bottom line is, everyone knows the truth, but that doesnt give you a right to say it and not expect a consequence. People in general dont give a shit about the truth and neither does society. And so it lingers, like this blog. Waiting for someone to stumble upon it or seak out the answers, queitly and in the privacy of their own mind.

If I had to give one piece of advise, I would say: Be honest, not truthful.


Next post: Cowardice