Depression

Hello mein blog. I don't care how happy or strong I seem to my friends. Or even that I'm usually a little depressed and neurotic. Tonight I'm seriously depressed and I don't know why. I think I'm really, really lonely. My best friend pat and I, I don't know, we never talk like we used to. I know her tries his best to put up with my patheticness but I feel like a parasite most the time. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about stuff right now since I'm so depressed. I just need less work on my shoulders, more free time from the people down here and something exciting to do by myself. I need something to talk about so my friends will actually want to talk to me. I don't know why, I just feel like killing myself. Feels like my life is over even though everything has fallen into place. I guess I just don't really have friends. Real friends that I like to hang out with like pat and kathleen. I need one of those really bad. Jennifer is nice though but she's just not quiet that friend yet. I don't know what to do blog. I could end it but then I'd just be back at square one. I'm really scared about my homework this week too but I'm so neurotic tonight all I can do is play battlefield 2 and it makes me compound the sadness. And tomorrow on my drive home, my time for myself my roommate and a friend have invited themselves for me to drive an hour off course to drop them off. Fuck those guys. At least my job was postponed till monday and karate will only be once a week now. I just feel like collapsing and crying. I hope this feeling dies or I will.