Glass world

Some days I feel like I'm in a glass world. Like everything and everyone around me is so fragile I have to watch every damn step just to keep from hurting someone. But it feels good every now and then to let out and see just how strong I've become. To realize that nothing limits me except for myself and to see that if I need, to I can do anything I want. Sometimes I just need to breath and feel my strength, I can't take having to watch out for others emotions. People are so fragile, I'd rather if someone tried to become stronger instead of begged me to look out for their weakness. Becoming stronger is what I expect from myself and so I suppose I expect it from others too.
I'll never stop being a good guy but sometimes I need to remember that's a choice, not fate.

My weekend

Hey blogger. It's been a long weekend. It was really good and I think something weird is happening inside me. I had a great time with Jennifer at the play which really made me laugh and then we came back and had some intimacy which was nice. I think I'm finally feeling comfortable with her, everything feels good. I didn't get as much work as I would have liked done this week but I did have a good time and I feel less stressed. I thought it might be prudent to write to you instead of pat. I almost began writing to him like I used to but that would be unnecessary. Things have been going better when we speak less. Naturally I still have unrequited love with kathleen and I don't know how to deal with that but I am one day at a time. School sucks as usual but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I've been practicing karate a lot less which most likely isn't good for me but it's another thing I've had to stop worrying about. I feel good but paranoid. Well, I hope everything turns out ok. I could go on about this weekend forever but I think it's better I get some sleep.

Busy Monday

Hey mein blog. Todays the first day of my new job and it's going to be a busy day at best. Jennifer and I got to spend the night which is always nice. I only wish I wasn't so physically attracted to her so that I could say more jokes and watch tv. But it really was nice. I might even get a little while to work out today which would make my day. I have reading in most my classes and a little homework in dynaimcs

Damn

Damn blogger I am so busy I feel like I've been knocked back a few rows on Maslows Pyramid of needs. I have to meet Jennifer's parents tonight and do all my work. I'm going to explode or die. Who knows. I'll be burned out by ten and then I'll just write to people or something. Wish me luck.

Depression

Hello mein blog. I don't care how happy or strong I seem to my friends. Or even that I'm usually a little depressed and neurotic. Tonight I'm seriously depressed and I don't know why. I think I'm really, really lonely. My best friend pat and I, I don't know, we never talk like we used to. I know her tries his best to put up with my patheticness but I feel like a parasite most the time. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about stuff right now since I'm so depressed. I just need less work on my shoulders, more free time from the people down here and something exciting to do by myself. I need something to talk about so my friends will actually want to talk to me. I don't know why, I just feel like killing myself. Feels like my life is over even though everything has fallen into place. I guess I just don't really have friends. Real friends that I like to hang out with like pat and kathleen. I need one of those really bad. Jennifer is nice though but she's just not quiet that friend yet. I don't know what to do blog. I could end it but then I'd just be back at square one. I'm really scared about my homework this week too but I'm so neurotic tonight all I can do is play battlefield 2 and it makes me compound the sadness. And tomorrow on my drive home, my time for myself my roommate and a friend have invited themselves for me to drive an hour off course to drop them off. Fuck those guys. At least my job was postponed till monday and karate will only be once a week now. I just feel like collapsing and crying. I hope this feeling dies or I will.

Jennifer

Hey blogger, I had a long talk with Jennifer and it feels like everything is going to be alright. We always go through these cycles of stress and relaxation and I guess it makes out relationship strong. I promise to work hard never to take her for granted and to try and relax. Thats all for now mein blog. Goodnight

Jennifer

Oh god, I'm starting to become an ass. I need to be super careful. I've let stress and being so busy go to my head and I'm starting to treat Jennifer like a thing instead of the good girl she is. We really need to talk more tonight than anything else. I just need to relax and just accept life. I don't know what to do to become good again. I just need to settle down and stop being so busy.

Tuesday

Hello blogger. I'm back again. Today's been a better day but I'm still somewhat exhausted. After speaking with Jennifer frankly we've both decided to stop scheduling days not to see each other. I'm sure life will be busy enough with this job I'm getting. I need to look into buying a book on how to improve relationships and things. I'm exhausted but I'm looking forward to karate tonight. I need to get out and do something physical or I'm going to explode. I hope lydia is doing ok. I don't know if I'll have the energy to help her much more. I haven't heard from pat in a while either. He's probably exhausted and busy. More later blogger and believe me there is much more.

Good god

Good god things are getting busy around here really fast. I got a 93 on my last material science exam and I'm still failing the class due to homework. I'm getting a job working on selective laser wintering research for 3d printing of artificial parts which will be fun but that's just another layer of stress onto my layer cake life. I think my head is going to explode. If Jennifer wasn't there I wouldn't know what to do but I'm worried I wouldn't treat her right. Now my knee is busted too so I can barely walk and most of my karate is out of the question. I don't know what to do blog. I wish pat was here just because he calms me down. Jennifer calms me down too but I'm still an emotional basket case so I'm not sure what to do. I just love that girl that's all. I really do. I don't really want to say it but she's awesome.

Talk to you later blog, it's back to work for me. (X_x)~o

Mein Blog

Hey blogger, I just had a wonderful night with Jennifer. We got to bed at 2 in the morning but I think it was definately worth it. I'm exhausted though because I got up at 7:30 this morning. It's still tough trying to sleep on a singles bed with your girlfriend. We went to the mall and saw 300 yesterday which is honestly just incredibly funny the second time you see it. The movie theater was really loud to so I think that took away from the epicness.
She and I are taking the next two days off from each other to get a shit load of school work done. We're always so busy but she will be coming by again tonight to spend one more night next to me.
I /have/ to work out today. It's not optional, I need that feeling of working out for my mental health. I've been sick these past three days and it's sucked.
Well, I still have a lot of work left. Take care and I'll talk to you later

School

Hey mein blog. Schools going well and not well at the same time. Classes and labs are getting harder but I think I'm doing better in all of them. Now my dynamics professor wants a word with me. I can only hope it's to congratulate me on my hard work and offer me an internship or something. (x_X)~o <---- that is how I feel
Tonight Jennifer and I are going to hang out and I think that will be about my limit of hanging out with her for this week. I can only cross my fingers John will be gone so that she and I can spend a couple hours of "alone" time somewhere private. I <3 her.
So, wish me luck today blog. Talk to you later.

Mein Blog Again

Hey mein blog. Today is going to be a busy day because I'm sick and I have an exam :(
I even have to miss karate but with Jennifer talking about sex and pregnancy I doubt I'd be able to concentrate anyways. I'm going to go to my test, I'll write more later.

Limits

I believe that everyone has a limit to how far they can mentally push themselves. I know I'm not at my bodies limit because I could exercise for at least another 2 hours today. And I know I haven't met the limit of studying but still my mind breaks down and I play games and don't study. I think it's because I push myself so far on the weekends with homework and studying I burn myself out on work and need to relax the rest of the week. It's strange but I think everyone has a physical limit and a mental limit to every activity. There may even be other limits like emotional limits I haven't thought of. I don't know if these limits are something we can work on but they certainly exist. I definately hit them all the time. I guess I'll go relax, although I'll feel bad I'm not working.

Goodnight

Hey blogger, I just thought I'd say goodnight. It's been a long day with some good and some bad. A little too much video games today so I'm going to try and watch that tomorrow. But I definately had a good work out and got some studying done Hopefully enough (x_X)~o. Pat even called me today which was really nice, hopefully I'll actually have time to talk to him soon.
Just wish Jennifer was here but she's got a lot of work to do.
I'm going to turn in for the night.

Tuesday Night

Hey blog. I had 2 and a half hours of karate tonight and I'm just wiped. I also have an exam tomorrow in my hardest class and I really need to do well this time :(
But not all is lost, things are going well with Jennifer and I. It's funny because we both describe ourselves as "physical" people but we rarely do anything. I think it's because with so little time outside of school to see each other we just really want to enjoy being with each other instead of being /on/ each other. She is the sweetest girl though, I feel really lucky.
I also feel really stupid though because I accidentally punched myself in the nuts when I tried to catch the soap I dropped in the shower. That's right, I punched myself in the testes. I was washing my face and I dropped the soap and it fell in line with the center of my body. Everything became like slow motion as I reached my arm around while bending over to try and catch it. My hands were curling into a cup to grab it and with me arching over and swinging my arm in a wise circle everything came together for a strong punch and after missing the soap that punch continued on a perfect line right into my right testicle. Anyways, glad I could share that with everyone. I guess I'll play some games. Goodnight!

Tuesday

Mein blog, I finally topped out 40k experience on bf2. Only 10k more and I get my last weapons to unlock and I'll probably have milked the fun from that game like I milked the joy from the chocolaty nipple of life. Not much on my agenda to do today, just study for some tests tomorrow and maybe do some work on study abroad. This weekend was a lot of hard work but things are going good. Take care and I'll talk to you later... mein blog.

Monday Night

Hey mein blog. I did a lot of work today and just downloaded most the sound tracks of 300 which is the best fucking movie ever. Just thought I'd write that today was a good day. Goodnight.

Tonight

Hey mein blog. Things went really well tonight. I took Jennifer out from the rain and gave her some dry clothes then later we met with her friend and got some food and a great conversation. I love her friends, they're really awesome. She and I talked and I think things are going to be really good. I hope she gets all her studying done.
With any luck I'll see her tomorrow for an early morning swim so goodnight and wish me luck.

Jennifer

Hey blogger. I'm running into some problems with Jennifer. She and I are having problems working out times to be together and schools not helping either of us. I think I wouldn't have to call so much if she came over regularly or slept over at my place but neither of our roommates (especially hers) would deal with that. I might talk to Jonathan about it but even then she and I have vastly different sleep schedules. I really hope I'm not starting to want sex from her too much. That might be a factor in why I want to see her so much. That and I think I'm falling in love. I'll give both those thoughts some time though.

Sunday Night

Last post of the night. Everything has been ok today. It started off better than it ended anyways. I got a lot of work done, still not everything I wanted to get done. I don't know if I'm biting off more than I can chew or if I'm lazy. Basically it ended with me playing 3 hours of battlefield 2 and frankly that game is boring me. I think there is some other need it fulfills but I have never been able to figure it out yet. Tomorrow should be better. I get to see my beautiful girlfriend and finish the work I started. I hope everything goes well tomorrow.
Goodnight mein blog.

sunday night

Hey blog, it's me again.
Jennifer seems pretty attached to me so I decided to take the day off and hang with the guys. I've got a lot done but I'm a little worried about Jennifer. She seemed to get really depressed when she's left alone for too long. I'm glad we have good communication or we'd be dead by now. I definately intend to tell her everything no matter what. If I can stay open and honest with her about everything I have a shot at making this work out. I just hope she's ok. I'll do something nice for her tomorrow.

Sunday morning

Hello again mein blog. It's a good day to meet you.
Today I have to do my laundry, work on study abroad, do dynamics reading and homework, do material science homeowork, do material science lab work, do my laundry, work out and anything else that might pop up.
Depressing, despondant, woeful and other synonyms for sad. Oh well, that's life. Doing all that work will make me feel damn good though.
Poor Jennifer seems to be getting really emotionally attached to me, hopefully staying separate for today will make her feel better. I love spending time with her but even I have my limits. She's so cute though...
Anyways, I'd been thinking about e-mailing her today but I think it would be better for both of us to just stay separate to make sure that we both have lives away from each other. I love her, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
Take care mein blog, we shall meet again soon...

hey everyone, quick link. filmcow.com
check out the cloak and charlie the unicorn. Absolutely halarious. Ok I'm off to work. Bye bye now!

Tonight

Dear blog, I think I'm going to take a walk to clear my head. It might do me some good, at least a little better than playing games. Talk to you later, maybe tonight or tomorrow.
goodnight blog

Saturday Night

So mein blog we meet again. It's a late night and I really want to play battlefield but I know I have a lot of work to do this week. Study abroad looks like it's going to be tough and it's even harder to find time to work on it with Jennifer. I might have to go it alone tomorrow but I'll give planning it with her a try first. Friends are going pretty good too, I saw kay today which was nice and I might be able to play games with nyugen later. I'm just exhausted and I've been putting on weight. I think it's muscle but I never wanted to be heavier than 155 and now I'm 162. Lost a belt size though after spring break.
I don't know, school just seems to difficult sometimes it annoys me. I want to play games and have fun too like any normal person. I guess I'll play some games tonight and work even harder tomorrow. Work hard, play hard. That's life.
Goodnight blog.

Mein blog

Hellow again mein blog. My reading was a boring success but unfortunately I still have more crap to do before I finish with my work. Maybe I'll get my fix of bf2 later tonight. Sometimes that game is really fun and sometimes it's fucking ridiculous. I find it strange that an AK-47 can out shoot a remington model 700 sniper rifle. But hey, considering they titled the next game 2142 because someone randomly said it during a think tank meeting I should be happy there was any design concept behind bf2 at all. It's still really fun.
Oh look, someone has called me. Hmm, I wonder what Jennifer wants.
Talk to you later blog. take care

Saturday Morning

So I had a long discussion with my friend and girlfriend this morning and I've begun to realize I spend way too much time talking to people and far too little time saying anything meaningful. I had begun to speak to all my friends partially out of habit. So now I have created you blog, I have brought you to life so that I can relieve my mind of my thoughts without engaging in long conversations that cause me to become emotionally needy. I think calling people less will free up a lot of time and move my relationships with my friend and girlfriend towards a more moderate feeling of normality.
Lately she and I have had impeccable timing on our thoughts about one another. From thinking we've been spending too much time together to our thoughts on physical activity and just random stuff in general it really feels like we're on the same page. I think she and I have a lot in common. I get worried when I don't talk to people daily and get some constant gauge on their mood but I think it's important to realize that I can let someone go and they wont leave.
I'm sure things will be getting better daily, I'm definately working hard and I think it will pay off. Speaking of which I'm really behind on my homework so I need to go ~sigh~.
Perhaps I shall return later tonight and tell you something then blog.